RANSVESTIA

We went on a shopping expedition, and together selected for the first time the clothes that I was to wear for my debut. It really is something to have on clothes that belong to you alone, neither handed down, borrowed, or stolen. I think at that point, my personality finally broke through for good. The experience was a success for both of us, and we disco- vered a sidelight that my hair was long enough that I wouldn't need a wig. We have continued since that time, developing, working, criti- cally examining hair styles, makeup, and clothes that would be right for me. We add to my wardrobe, often, and there really isn't any gender identity. role barrier any more. I sleep in nightgowns by choice. and spend a good deal of effort on my hair, complexion, and legs. We can and do discuss things freely, and we have separated things to such an extent, that Eileen, the name that I have imally been baptized with, and Carol are fast friends. Right at the moment, we are planning a trip so that the two of us can enjoy going out together and opening the rest of the world to me in skirts. Now I had not only my body but my hair, as long as many girls, to take care of. FP was not a turn on and off thing any more. It is with me constantly and has to be cared for. I have clothes to take care of, an apartment, and myself. I can have various moods but part of me is Eileen always, and has to be treated as a girl.I am able to be thought of by her as a girl, not as a guy in a dress. I am not compen- sating any more, or having purges. But most of all I am acting my age, not always seeking approval, or expecting to be admired. I am tall, but I can pass. I could live as a woman now, if I were willing to undergo electro- lysis, but I am perfectly happy in my male role too. And this is the crux of the whole matter. No matter what part of me is feminine. I am a man. And I must be happy as that too. (Amen - Ed.) If I weren't there would be only one thing to do, and I would not hesitate to do it if I would be happy for the rest of my life. I don't need that extreme, since I have found my niche in the grey area. But at the same time, I am a mature 23 year old woman, too, and I act like one. I can be a companion and a friend to my GG. I don't act like a little girl, or a princess, and she can identify with me and relate to me. I am emotionally stable and able to function as the woman I wanted to be. I am happy.

The primary concern for me, is to see that Carol has the opportunity to enjoy the man that she wants to marry, as a man, and that she is com- pletely satisfied. She for her part has worked diligently to bring the fe- minine Eileen into womanhood. With her, I have had my first high heels, my first sweater and skirt set, and my first trips into the confus- ing world of hair curlers. As we progress, I have become quite self-suffi- cient and am quite able to greet her at the door as a completely believable

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